We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize