thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
