It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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