Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A bitchslap is in order.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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