No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
