I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
