sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
