i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
