that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
