we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
