Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
