I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
