12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
