I cannot find my penis.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
