i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
