Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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