They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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