i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
