It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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