Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
