she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
