she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
