you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
