He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
