she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
