People with herpes should wear stickers.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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