Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
