well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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