He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
