yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
