my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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