He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
