i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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