We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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