I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
