Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
