In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
