I'm going to jail i love you
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
