I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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