I think my vagina is haunted
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
