I cockslap morals
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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