hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
