3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
