I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize