"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She needs sedatives and a leash
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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