I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
People with herpes should wear stickers.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We left the knife in your bed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
