They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
