Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
