this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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