I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
