I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
