Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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