I need help removing her.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize