Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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