I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
