i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
