I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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