I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
