Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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