I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize