There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
