Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize