batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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