I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
