My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
