I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize